Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Teetering on the Edge

That is the only way I can describe myself right now. I feel like (oh this will only be funny to those who painfully watched me attempt to work on the balance beam as a youngster) I am trying to save a skill when one foot missed the beam...I got it on, but now I am flopping back and forth between staying on and falling off. (Yes, Ms. Dutcher, you can laugh out loud as you remember those days.)

Sadly, I feel like life is trying to push me off... life is out of control. I work hard. I take care of the baby. I try to help Kevin deal with the issues with his team. I try to make our budget work even though Kevin has not been paid in three months, and he has not had the amount in any of his contract paid completely since we left Gravelines. Yes, that was two years ago. I am tired, but I keep going and am generally quite upbeat and cheerful.

When I feel like this I tend to overcompensate in one particular area of my life. One area I can control. What I eat. That is why I have been trying not to read too much about the chemicals and crap in the food we consume. I mean, I read stuff, but I try to limit the amount I read, because I know I would eat nothing, and quite honestly, my pants are practically falling off already, so the last thing I need to do is obsess about what I am (or not) eating.

Then there is work. I love my job, but I am completely swamped all day, every day. I have so much work to do, and so little time to do it. There are just too many projects for one person. Supposedly, another economist is coming back at the end of March. She just had a baby about six weeks ago. Hopefully that will offer me some relief.

In light of this teetering, I think now is a great time to redefine my goals. I am working on it, but I want to be mindful and thoughtful about what I put down as my revised goals. I need to reach high, yet I need them to be achievable. I need to take time for me. I need to get them out of my head and on to paper. Again.


KaritaG said...

Stay strong! I do the same thing, not with food but overcompensate by become really neurotic about laundry, or keeping the kitchen clean, or something else equally boring. Feel free to gchat me anytime you are "teetering." And a big interstate HUG to you!

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