Friday, February 1, 2008

The "A" Word

I don't use it. I almost never say it. When I think I am going down that path, I call it "food issues." What I mean is I tend to stop eating or eat way too few calories, and I tend to do it most when my life feels like it is spinning out of control and/or I am highly stressed. I know this isn't good for me...or for anyone... but knowing I need to eat more and doing it are two different things. Also, I tend to turn it in to my own internal contest. For example...

Last night, I was in bed drifting off to sleep, and I said to myself, "You know, you really could get down to 100 pounds. It's not that far."

SSCRRAAATTTCCCHHH! (as in the needle across a record)

This morning I woke up and thought-- WTF? Am I insane? 100 pounds? Needless to say, this life long battle continues.

I also tend to go through denial as I start down the path, but fortunately for me, my friend Kara and Kevin brought me a little closer to reality yesterday. I was definitely in denial about my habits.

So-- I think I have a plan-- a plan that includes accepting help. I am not 100% sure where that help will come from, but decisions will be made today. Or tomorrow. The good thing is that I have come a long way, and I tend to notice more easily when I am teetering on the edge, and my mind knows what I need to least when it is not clouded with crazy thoughts (like last night), so hopefully the ship will be righted, and fortunately, I am not as far down the path as I once was.


KaritaG said...

If you think you might need an objective opinion, be it from kevin or me or whoever, you probably DO! Kudos to you for not trying to do everything yourself! Listen to your gut - I know my head doesn't always have my best interests at stake, especially when I am STRESSED!

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