Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Bad mommy morning and facebook needs to wake up

This morning I did something I swore I would never do. I told my crying son to "just stop crying." Seriously, I hated when my own parents said that to me... as if it were just that easy. The worst part, as I reflect back, is that I totally caused the meltdown. He asked me to hold him repeatedly, but I was rushing around getting stuff ready for work, him for school, and our sleepover tonight at a friends house. He repeatedly asked me in an acceptable manner, and I repeatedly put off his request. Some might say, "so what?" Well, to me it is a big deal. I believe firmly in attachment parenting, and by continually putting him off, I was being disrespectful of his needs and did not respond with sensitivity. Sitting with him for five minutes would have prevented the ten minutes of crying and abundance of hurt feelings-- for both of us. Sometimes I really stink at this mommy-business.
Edited to add: Each time he asked and I asked him to wait a minute, he went and sat down and waited for me. I never came. :(
*****
I participated in the protest on Facebook regarding the removal of breastfeeding pictures for various reasons, mostly because I am a lactivist and I've seen hairy bare asses and scantily clad advertisements showing more breast than most breastfeeding pictures. There is a site available with some of the removed photos (linked below)-- many of which show less breast than my own pictures!

As you may have noted after reading my last post, I am playing catch up from our illness weekend, and tomorrow I have to run to Dallas for the day, so it will be a bit before I can resume my CA Prop 8 Series. In the mean time, consider reading these posts written by others. They are well thought out, articulate, and say all the things I want to and would have said...I'll try to keep adding more as I find ones I agree with.

Okaasan mommy and more Chilling Effect on Breastfeeding
Examples of removed pictures (not suitable for work viewing...some are more forward than others)

11 comments:

KaritaG said...

You are not a bad mommy!!! We all have our moments.

Annie @ PhD in Parenting said...

All moms have their moments, but the difference between a good mom and a bad mom is that a bad mom thinks she has done nothing wrong, whereas a good mom understands that she just made a mistake, accepts that, and attempts to do better next time. No one is perfect. Learning from our mistakes is part of being a parent.

Maria said...

Thanks ladies. It just breaks my heart a bit looking back, but tonight we are going to Incredible Pizza with some friends (previously scheduled), so we'll have fun together and then snuggle in to the family bed with extra hugs and snuggles. :)

Suzanne said...

Oh how sad for both of you. And thank you for posting it, because I personally really needed to read what Annie had to say: "but the difference between a good mom and a bad mom is that a bad mom thinks she has done nothing wrong, whereas a good mom understands that she just made a mistake, accepts that, and attempts to do better next time."

You two may never know how much you blessed me today. Thank you.

Rebecca said...

I had no idea Facebook banned breastfeeding photos. I have a few up...

Speaking of Facebook, I haven't found you yet. Try finding me.

And, don't beat yourself up about your morning. It happens to all of us. I am constantly feeling guilty for being impatient with my kids or rushing them along in unpleasant ways because I have to get to work. I want nothing more than to be a responsive, attentive parent. I know I am not. I wish that I had half the patience you clearly have. You are a wonderful mother. You know that, right?

Maria said...

I know, but sometimes I still feel like I'm really screwing up my most important job, ya know?

Team Ellis said...

For you to even recognize and call yourself out today shows me that you are def not a bad mommy!! That is so noble of you to know and understand that yes, a child will be needy, but sometimes, they just need their MOMMY!! So proud of you to even reflect on that Riri!! ;)

Anonymous said...

I told my crying son to "just stop crying.""

Accept the fact that once in awhile things are going to slip out of your mouth that echo your mother or father...it's a hazard of adulthood and unavoidable. Keep trying to be perfect and you won't ;)

BK

Coffeegrl said...

It's so difficult to be a "good mommy" all the time. I'm trying to learn not to be too hard on myself, but it sure takes practice. Thank you for sharing your experience here; even the rough days make us stronger.

Also, thanks for stopping by my blog and saying nice things about my post too :) I'm glad to have found you!

Coffeegrl said...

It's so difficult to be a "good mommy" all the time. I'm trying to learn not to be too hard on myself, but it sure takes practice. Thank you for sharing your experience here; even the rough days make us stronger.

Also, thanks for stopping by my blog and saying nice things about my post too :) I'm glad to have found you!

Anonymous said...

That was a lotta boobs! Most exciting part of my day, haha!

We are planning to go the Burnes Ranch to play some laser tag on Saturday at noon - I hadn't heard from you about Amari...

You are not a bad mom, you are a BUSY mom who has to work full time and take care of everything because your husband's job just happens to pay well but takes him away from his home for many many months. Bad mommy moments happen - but it means you are a GOOD mommy if you recognize them as such and work to avoid them as much as possible in the future!

To make you feel better, here's a TRUE "bad mommy moment" that I saw today: I was driving down Independence to Yale and at one of the cross streets there was a little boy (maybe 18 mo?) just wandering in the street, no adult in sight. Another girl had pulled over and stopped right before me and she said what direction she'd seen him come from, so while she got out of her car and ran interference with him, I ran to the little boy's house. I knocked on the door and a lady came to the door and I said, "I think your little boy is in the street" and she said... a lot of things but all in espanol, which I don't speak. But the a 9 or 10 year old boy appeared inside the house and the lady (mom? sitter? I don't know) was clearly yelling at him that he hadn't been watching the little boy. This entire time, NO ONE is running into the street to get him. The boy leaves the house and goes and fetches the little one from the other concerned passer-by... Eesh. Kinda scary. If some one came up to my house and, God forbid, one of my children had been wandering in the street with out me know, you had better BET that I would run panicked out into the street and grab my baby in my arms. I'd probably cry and possibly hyperventilate, too. Not yell at my other child for not taking care of MY RESPONSIBILITY. Again I say, EESH.

See? There is bad parenting, and then there is BAD PARENTING. (-:

~eva

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