This morning was horrible. Horrendous. I am not a perfect person, in spite of what some might believe, and I make mistakes, including parenting mistakes, like everyone else. This morning was one HUGE mistake. It really started last night. Instead of setting The Boy Up for success, I set him up for failure, and this was worse than when I told him to "just stop crying." No, I did not hit or abuse him. I did not endanger him, but I was ugly. Let me start from the beginning...
Last night, I went to dinner and BRU with my neighbor. I got back later than I normally allow myself. (Mistake #1) The babysitter does not do a good job of implementing our bedtime routine, and I need to talk to her about that. (Mistake #2) When I arrived home, The Boy was riled up, exhausted, and infinitely sleep. We went directly to bed, where he squeezed me because he missed me (he told me!), but when morning came, he was still in bed far past his normal time. Normally, I'd gently wake him and get him out of bed. This morning, however, I left him to sleep until he woke up (Mistake #3), which was a terrible idea. I felt rushed and due to a trip to Stillwater for a presentation, needed to get to work sooner than later (Mistake #4).
This is where it got ugly.
The Boy was upset being rushed out of bed, didn't want to pee on the potty, and was all out crying and throwing a tantrum. Rather than dealing with it calmly, I scolded (Mistake #5), shouted (Mistake #6), and was disrespectful to him in many ways (Mistake #7). Rather than acknowledging his emotions and talking to him, I threw my own little tantrum.
I know he does not respond well to shouting. He actually behaves worse in response and becomes more angry, which is exactly what happened. Rather than slowing down and gaining a handle of my growing frustration and anger (Mistake #8), and rather than slowing down to calm him and talk to him (Mistake #9), I continued to yell and act ugly (Mistake #10).
When we arrived at school, we had both calmed down, and in spite of my already super late status, we sat in the rocking chair for five minutes or so snuggling and loving on one another. I felt incredibly guilty leaving. I wanted to snuggle more, and tonight we have done more snuggling and loving. The best of all things to come from this-- observing my son's complete willingness to forgive me in an instant for my shortcomings.
I am so incredibly disappointed with myself. Some will argue that he should have listened and not thrown the tantrum, but I set him up to fail, AND I made it worse by modeling poor behavior! I acted like a two year old rather than an adult. I failed my son, and I failed myself. However, as Erin reminded me of ten good things that will come from these ten failures. I haven't been able to ask if I can share her list, but hopefully she will be comfortable with it, and I can post them later this week.